Need to be Sure
by xForeversEndx
Summary: Remus has been having some issues with his identity as of late, and so has Sirius. So one day, Remus asks his friend for a little bit of help figuring out who he his. WARNINGS: Slash, Lemons. Don't like, don't read.


**LEMON WARNING. I wanted to try something new, so let me know what you think. REVIEW PLEASE. **

"Remus? Reeemmmuuusss? – MOONY!" Remus snaps to attention, flinging a spoonful of soup across the table.

"For the love of god, _what,_ Sirius?"

"You've been spaced out for like an hour, mate. What's in your bonnet?" Remus glares at me in a rather un-endearing way and shoves his spoon into what now must be very chilled soup.

"We've been here for like 15 minutes." He snaps. I roll my eyes and look at my watch. In all reality, we've been sitting in the Great Hall for approximately a half-hour. Moony has said maybe three words since we've been here.

"It's been longer than that, Ray." I inform. "Are you feeling well?" His glare picks up power. He hates it when I call him that. I send him a beam in response.

"I'm fine, Sirius." His tone is becoming clipped. "I'm just thinking about that charms exam." I roll my eyes.

"That exam was like an hour ago, its old news." He shoves soup into his mouth and returns to his newspaper. I sigh. He's been acting weird for weeks. I bite into a piece of bread and try to think back to where all this started. It's been at least a fortnight. I'd believe his excuses more if it didn't seem to be happening during classes, as well. I don't know what's going on but I'm not happy about it. Remus may be a know-it-all but he's never been boring.

I'm interrupted from my thoughts by something warm dripping down the back of my neck. I spin around to see James standing behind me laughing his arse off with a ladle of tomato paste in his hand. I stand up, growling.

"What the hell, James?" I reach for the closest thing to me and come up with a handful of pudding. I shove it in the bastard's face. He just laughs and starts to wipe it off with a piece of bread. I cringe as he puts the pudding soaked bread into his mouth. I glance at Moony, who looks torn between disgust and amusement.

"Looks like someone's doing a little bit of spacing themselves." James tells me.

"What the hell are you on about, Prongs?" He shrugs, pulling out his wand and vanishing the remaining pudding.

"The Padfoot _I _know would never been dense enough not to notice me behind him." He crosses his arms over his chest and I find myself getting defensive over the fact that he just called me dense. I pull out my wand.

"Take that back, Potter." He steps back surprised.

"Whoa there, Sirius …" I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to see Remus trying to pull me back. "I didn't really mean that mate …" James looks worried.

"Sirius, relax," I hear Remus say behind me. "He was taking the mickey." Feeling suddenly foolish, I jam my wand back into my pocket.

"Yeah… right… Sorry." I sit down roughly and feel myself blanch when I hear a snap beneath me. I freeze. "Tell me I didn't just – " The worried and horrified looks on my friends' faces confirms my fears. I shove my face in my hands.

"URRGHHHH!" I scream, almost positive that the entire Great Hall is drawn to attention.

"Alright mate." I hear James say gently. They try to pull me to my feet. "Let's assess the damage."

"It's fucking broken!" I snap. "There's no damage to assess!"

"No need to yell at us, Padfoot." Remus says softly. "We're only trying to help." Grumbling to myself, I let them pull me up, and draw my wand from my back pocket. I take a look at it and feel the need to vomit. Its two halves are being held together by its dragon core, dangling dangerously over the thin air. I start shaking. I have no way to replace this…

"Let's take it upstairs." Remus says, sounding decidedly calm. "My wand is up there. Maybe we could do something." He takes the wand out of my hands. I start clenching and unclenching them nervously. I'll have to leave school…

I blindly follow James and Sirius up the stairs toward the common room. It isn't until my friends are in mid-conversation that I realize that we've run into Dumbledore on the fourth floor.

"– so we're going upstairs to see if we can fix it." I glance up at Dumbledore who looks to be listening intently.

"I understand your predicament, Mr. Black." He turns to address me. "I remember that you've left home?"

"Yes, sir." I tell him quietly. "I've no way to replace it."

"My parents can!" James jumps in. "If we can't get it fixed my parents can replace it." I shrink into myself and shake my head.

"No." I say shortly. I refuse to allow Mum and Dad to spend money on my own stupidity. Especially after everything they've done for me.

"Oh come on Sirius!" He pleads. "They've adopted you!" I don't respond.

"Would you be so kind as to hand me that, Mr. Lupin?" Asks Dumbledore with a curious expression. He hands it over.

"It's pretty bad, Professor." He answers tentatively. "Repair charms don't work on wands…" I want to cry. Dumbledore pulls out his wand.

"_Reparo._" In an instant my wand snaps back to shape. Smiling satisfactorily, he swishes it around a few times before handing it to me.

"That should be in order." He says with a smile. "You ought to be more careful, Sirius." I stare up at him in wonder.

"But how – ?" He puts a finger to his lips.

"That, Mr. Black, is my little secret. Good day to you boys." With a little wave, he walks down the corridor and out of sight. Remus, James, and I watch after him silently for a moment.

"Bloody hell." James breathes. "What do reckon is in _his_ wand?" We both look to Remus, who always seems to know the answer to questions like this. He shrugs.

"Bollocks if _I _know. Just be glad it's fixed, mate." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and collapse sideways onto James, who looks at me oddly.

"You've got that right… I thought I'd need to leave school." James pushes me back to my feet and I notice Remus staring at us for a moment.

"Oh, come off it! My mum would have replaced it in an instant and you know that! You're like my brother!" I'm quiet for a moment.

"Yeah… brother." Remus is still watching me oddly.

"So, Prongs," he asks, "how's Lily doing? I haven't seen her in a while." Suddenly in a foul temper, I grab up my bag and start up toward the common room, leaving the two of them behind.

"Padfoot, wait!" I stop, grudgingly. "What's in your bonnet?" James snaps.

"Nothing." I say shortly. "Let's just go upstairs. And stop looking at me like that, Moony!" I stomp onward and my friends follow me, confused.

When I reach the common room and plop myself onto an armchair and glare moodily at the fire. James heads up to the dorm to retrieve something and Remus perches himself on my armrest an stares at me.

"Knock it off, Ray." He ignores my use of this name and continues to look at me. I jerk my head around to look at him. "What the hell do you want?" He opens his mouth like he's about to say something, but closes it a moment later and stares into the fire. "Remus?" He shrugs.

"I don't know." In my anger the moment before, I hadn't realized that he looks upset.

"What's the matter?" He doesn't answer me. "Remus?" James storms downstairs.

"Shit!" Moony and I spin around.

"What is it, James?"

"I have detention with Slughorn at 3!" He snaps. I glance down at my watch and see that it's nearly three now.

"Well you better hurry the eff up." He flips me off and rushes out the portrait hole. The tension between Moony and I grows thick.

"What's wrong?" I try again. He just stares into the fire with the same dazed expression he's had for over a fortnight.

"I think there's something wrong with me." He finally says. I'm taken aback by this.

"W-what do you mean?" I ask, surprised. He glances around the common room, and his eyes linger for a moment on a fifth year girl, writing an essay in the corner.

"Let's go upstairs." He tells me in reply. Intrigued, I follow him up the spiral staircase into our room. "Lock the door." He says vaguely. I narrow my eyes at him and do as he says. He sits down on his bed and I join him.

"What's going on?" He stares into the rug, again silent. "Remus?" He puts his hand up.

"Just give me a moment, Sirius." I close my mouth. I wait for what feels like an eternity before Remus speaks again. "I –" He stops again and sighs.

"Go on, mate," I encourage. "It's alright." He chews on his lower lip.

"I think I might be interested in – " Again, he falls silent.

"In what, mate?" I think I might know where this is going.

"In other blokes." He doesn't look at me.

"That's fine, Moony." I tell him earnestly. "Why's that mean there's something wrong with you?" He looks up at me.

"I just… I'm not _sure_. I'm supposed to be sure." I shrug.

"Nah, not really mate. Is there one bloke in particular…?" I press. He shrugs.

"Not really I guess. I just… I keep looking at other blokes and thinking they look nice. But I like women, too." I smile.

"Then you like both, mate. It's no big deal." He stares back at the rug again.

"I'm just not sure…" I feel like there's something more to what he's saying so I'm silent for a moment. "I – " He starts to speak again, but then shakes his head and goes quiet.

"You what?" He shakes his head again.

"I can't. I really can't." I narrow my eyes at him.

"Can't what…?" I ask, sincerely lost.

"I wanted…" I nod him forward. "I just…"

"What is it mate?"

"Help me find out!" He spits all at once. It takes a moment for this to measure in my mind.

"W-what do you mean…?" I ask slowly, remembering that he'd asked me to lock the door. He turns scarlet red and hides his face in his hands.

"Sorry… that was stupid." He starts hitting himself in the forehead with the heel of his hand. I grab his hand and force it into his lap.

"No…" I say slowly. "Tell me what you mean by that." He bites his lips.

"I just… I've seen the way you look at James, Padfoot. I _know _at least part of you is curious too…" I'm stunned into silence so he continues. "It doesn't have to be romantic or anything like that it's just I'm not sure and I know it could help me and because you have you thing with James it could probably help you too…" He says all this very fast. "Argh!" he shoves his face down into his hands, red down the back of the neck. It's a moment before I'm able to speak.

"I…" Come to think of it, I'm surprisingly unopposed to his idea. "Remus I…"

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. "Just forget I said anything." I stare at him quietly for a moment.

"Sit up, Moony." He shakes his head. "Please?" I ask. "Just look at me." He does so, but it seems to take him a lot of effort to do it. I force him to look me in the eyes.

"No one has to find out?" I ask, urgently. He shakes his head.

"No one. I just… I need to know, Sirius." He looks ready to cry and for some reason I suddenly feel like crying too. I nod.

"Just… need to know…" I repeat. "Me too." I say after a long pause. "Me too."

"R-really?" He stutters. I don't say anything, but grab up each of his shaking hands into my own trembling fingers.

"No one has to know." I whisper.

"N-no one."

I put my clumsy lips onto his unsuspecting mouth, with more force than I'd meant. Hesitantly, he responds, moving his lips with an unfamiliar masculinity. My body tenses for a moment and freezes. A second later all the muscles in my body relax and I push him onto the bed. I feel his figure shaking beneath mine. I deepen the kiss, allowing the tip of my tongue to slide in and out of his lips. He lets go of my hands and cups my face, pulling me closer and kissing me deeper. I allow the nervous and protesting part of my brain to shut down.

With my newly freed hands, I start to tug at the buttons on his shirt. My fingers are trembling. When Remus lets go of my face and moves his fingers to touch mine, I assume he's doing so to stop me. Instead, he guides my fingers down each button, helping me to unfasten them as he does so. He mouth stops moving and he pulls away from the kiss to focus better on undoing my own shirt.

This feels weird, but it doesn't feel wrong.

I move in on Remus and gently place my lips on his neck, moving down slowly but surely, planting kisses on his chest on stomach. When I reach his pants line, I place trembling hands on the cold button, and glance briefly up at him, asking silent permission. He nods; his breathing shallow. I release the button and unzip his pants, exposing an excited part of Moony's body that I've never seen before. For a moment I lose my ability to breathe. I freeze up.

Moony grabs my hand and guides it over to his exposed member. It's a foreign territory for me, so I grip it tentatively and do to Moony what I would have done to myself. He lets out a moan that sends a fire down my legs.

As I'm working, Remus takes his fingers to my own waistband, releasing – with some difficulty – the tension that my pants have built up over our excursion. I flinch at first when his long, slender fingers grip a part of my body that is generally reserved for women. After a moment I give in, breathing heavy, and allowing the feeling to take me over. As he works me over faster and faster, I do the same for him, getting a sense of satisfaction over each little cry or moan that he releases.

Just a moment before I'm about finish, he stops, and I have to restrain myself from crying out in protest. He removes his had from my pants area and reaches around to my arse, exploring it liberally. My lower body is pulsating with anticipation, and I remove my hand from his as punishment for his action. I rub my palm up and down his thighs and he cries out in pleasure or anguish – I'm unable to tell which.

After maybe a minute of cruel teasing, he returns to the source of happiness and finishes me off. It's not until he does this that I return the favour and collapse onto my back. We lay there together, gasping and sticky, for about 10 minutes, wondering what the hell we'd just done.

After some time laying in a comfortable silence, Moony begins to laugh. Following his lead, I burst into laughter as well, grabbing my gut and rolling around without even knowing why.

I just had a very sexual encounter with my best friend. Right now, at this moment, that's hilarious, and Moony seems to think so too.

I don't know how long it is before we calm down, but by the time my laughter subsides, my stomach is protesting in pain. Shaking still, I get up from the bed and teeter into the bathroom. I grab up some paper towels and toss the roll at Remus so that he can clean himself up. It's a good fifteen minutes before we speak to each other.

"We should probably unlock the door." I tell him with a laugh. He beams at me.

"Yeah, you should do that." I do. Flop onto my stomach – this time on my own bed.

"So uh… what do you think?"

"Hmm?" He responds absently, staring contentedly at the ceiling.

"Did you find out?" He smiles.

"I think so, Sirius." Annoyance flickers through me.

"Well?" I ask, impatiently.

"Well what?"

"_Are _you?" I growl.

"Mmm… I'm not gay." He says shortly.

"Oh…" I ignore vague disappointment. Was I that bad?

"But…" he continues cheerfully. "I'm definitely not straight." I laugh. "What about you?"

"I already knew." I say without thinking. "But I can't rightly deny it now, can I?" He shakes his head.

"Nope," he says shortly. "I really don't think you can."

The door opens and we both jump frantically before we realize that we're not doing anything suspicious. James storms in and tosses his bag onto the floor.

"Fucking _nightmare_ that was!" He looks around at us.

"What's wrong with you two?" I smile to myself.

"Nothing." We say together, defensively. He glares at us for a moment but decides to give it up. He shakes his head in annoyance and pulls out a stack of papers, presumably given to him by Slughorn to fill out.

"Fucking bastard gives me work to do _outside _detention. Should be a crime."

As James swears to himself, I pass a glance at Moony. He winks. I wink back.

I mentally remind myself to thank Professor Slughorn the next time I see him.

**Well there you have it guys – something new. REVIEW PLEASE. You might get some more Lemons in the future ;) **


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